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THIS IS NOT THE NEWS, but….

 

THE FINAL PRODUCT OF THE BILATERAL COMENIUS PROJECT – JONITEIST
Project carried out with the financial support of the European Commission,through the Lifelong Learning Programme,Comenius Sectorial Programme.

ANPCDEFP and the European commission are not responsible for the use of these informations

The content of this magazine belongs exclusively to its author


 

DARÍO:

Good evening and welcome to THIS IS NOT THE NEWS, the only programme that will tell you the truth of what is going on in the world.
The programme with the highest share ever. Probably because we share everything with you, even the economic downturn which has, in turn, turned our programme into a kind of low-cost news bulletin.

 But we don’t want to be the news ourselves so, before celebrating this evening edition, please,  switch off your cellular phones, lean back on your seats and recognize your sins.
Stay with us!

 

GERMÁN:

As usual, we have to open the bulletin with the economic crisis that has followed the crisis of values we have been suffering for far too long.

 The slogan of the sixties and seventies “All you need is love” was soon replaced by “All you need is money”, and instead of singing “I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love”, the whole world started singing:
(All together)

  Money, money, money, money, money……….

DARÍO: Enough!

GERMÁN:

The example to follow was the American way of life, the greed for money that has led the world to this huge economic downturn and to sing once again:
(All together)
“Bye, bye, Miss American Pie……
                                                                            
DARÍO:

The old English proverb “A bird in hand is worth two in the bush” was interpreted by the American people as “we are better in the hand of Obama than in the two hands of Bush, and so they sent Mr Bush back to his ranch in Texas and decided that Mr Obama was the one to make the world go round and back to basis, with a little help from his friends.

And when he took office, his policy of giving huge amounts of money to the rich in order to help the poor was incredibly understood by everyone but those who had caused the black hole in the world economy. And he came to Europe to explain this to his allies.
And he went down to London to visit the Queen.
Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, where have you been?
"I've been down to London to look at the queen."
Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, what did you there?
"I frightened a little mouse under the chair."

And in this case, the little mouse was the inaction and the lack of ideas of many politicians in the European Union.

 

ROBERTO:

Asked about his impression of the Queen after the recent summit in London, Mr Barack Obama, The US President appealed to The Beatles to declare:
“Her Majesty is a pretty nice girl, but she doesn’t have a lot to say.”

With respect to the Duke of Edinburgh he confessed to have been very impressed.
He said the Duke had sung “Ten Green Bottles” after the dinner at Buckingham Palace and he did it without reading the lyrics!

 

There were ten green bottles standing on the wall. Ten green bottles standing on the wall. And if one green bottle should accidentally fall there'd be nine green bottles standing on the wall."

DARÍO: Enough!

ROBERTO:

For her part, Michele Obama, the First Lady, told the journalists she was delighted to get in touch with the Queen. And she did touch her to the surprise of everyone!
                                                                        

JESÚS:

When the Air Force One took off and was flying over Windsor Castle, the Duke of Edinburgh, well-known for his diplomatic skills, looked up at the aeroplane and exclaimed:
(All together)
Obama in the Heights!

The Queen said nothing.

(All together singing)

Her Majesty is a pretty nice girl but she doesn’t have a lot to say.

DARÍO:

The global economic downturn has also hit the upper class. The Chief-Executive of a famous American Company, worried about the cut on his income, said to his wife:
Why don’t you take up cooking lessons and so we would manage to do without our cook?
She didn’t take too long to reply:
And why don’t you go and learn how to improve your performance and so we would do without our steward, our chauffeur and our gardener?

 

ROBERTO:

In Madrid, this morning, in the Prado Museum, a Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian were viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
JESÚS:
A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver:
"What's that building there?"
"That's the Royal York Hotel" replied the cabbie.
"The Royal York?
“How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About 12 years" replied the cabbie.

"12 years? We build them twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months."

A while later the cab driver makes his way past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre.
"What's that building over there?" asked the Texan.
"That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre" replied the cabbie.
"Convention Centre? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan.
"About three years" replied the cabbie.
"Three years? We build them twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks."

Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower. "What's that building there?" asks the Texan, pointing at the tower.
"Hanged if I know" replied the cabbie, "It wasn't here when I drove by yesterday."
DARÍO:
Another Texan, President Bush,  toured parts of Missouri that were devastated by a recent tornado. There was one horrible moment, when the President looked at the tornado damage and said to the people around:
'Don't worry, we're going to get whoever did this.'

GERMÁN:
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other:
"Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

“Outstanding”, Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it has made a big difference for me."

 "That's great! What was the name of that clinic?"

 Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked:

 "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns ?"

 " You mean a rose?"

 "Yes, that's it!"

 Then he turned to his wife and asked:

 "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

JESÚS:
Interviewed after his last concert in London about his passion for women, Julio Iglesias, the sixty-five-year-old famous Spanish singer and well-known playboy declared:
“My love for women used to be very physical. I am afraid that now it’s more chemical”
DARÍO:
Probably the last completely accurate forecast was when God told Noah there was a hundred percent chance of precipitation. Anyway, here is the weather forecast. Stay with us!

ROBERTO:
Tomorrow's forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I'm wrong, so do not forget your umbrellas in case I am right.
DARÍO:
And finally, for the good news.................

 

Good news still exist in this world; beyond all the problems of everyday life, there are places where love and harmony, respect and traditions are the most valuable things.
Don’t miss a single word of what is coming now. It’s a wonderful piece of news about a Romanian Wedding. And here is the news….

                                                             
SCENE I
The story teller……..

Maria: Granny, I’ve grown up now,I’m no longer a little girl and I would like to get some advice from you.
Granny: Sure, my little one. Granny helps you anytime.
Maria: Tell me, please, how you met granddad.
Granny: Oh, what times those were! I was so young, only seventeen and a half, it was winter and we were going to sing Christmas carrols. We were lots of girls and boys, we would go in groups to sing carrols. Among boys there was the miller’s son, Stefan, who I fancied since I was sixteen. After carrols, each boy would accompany a girl home.He waited for Ileana and me. Ileana lived only one street away from my place and I thanked Stefan and told him I could go alone home. He didn’t listen to me and saw me to the door, took heart and said he loved me; I told him I fancied him too, since last year but I didn’t dare speak a word. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I said “Yes”. He kissed me. Daddy saw us as he was going to the gate. He scolded me hard that night! I won’t forget it all my life. Daddy was cross because he wanted me to marry the Mayor’s son who was rich. I told him I love Stefan and that we decided “to get rich” together. He understood and we got married. I gave birth to your dad. Later, when your dad was fifteen years old, your granddad went to war and never returned. He was a hero and was buried with military honours.(Granny was almost in tears)
Maria: Forgive me, granny, I didn’t mean to make you sad.
Granny: You didn’t. It does me good to remember him as he was such a good man!
Maria: Granny, I wish I had a good-looking husband like my father is (proudly, a hero like my granddad and kind like my mom.
Granny: Who wouldn’t like such a husband? But you must know that it is very difficult to find what you want!
Maria : I know that. But I don’t want an ugly man and rich like “mister Boulder” or a good-looking but aggressive like ”mister Pointed”.
Granny: I like the way  you think, my dear. May God help you to have good luck for your blessed soul and your will.
Maria: Granny, please, teach me how to spin and knit to make a pair of slippers for my little child, and to know how to knit table cloths and everything one needs in a home.
Granny: Granny will teach you, but not now, it’s dark.
Maria: All right, good night Granny, your blessing, please.
Granny: In the name of god, Son and Holy Ghost, amin. Take this handkerchief as a lucky token for the Sunday dance. It belonged to my mother and now I give it to you.
Maria: Thank you a lot, granny! (kisses her and leaves).

SCENE II

The story teller…….
Maria  : Good evening, girls, come to me to give you a kiss!
Irina : Hi!
Ana : Girls, enough with kisses, I want to tell you something very important!
Irina: Whaaaat? (very curiously)
Maria: Irina, we say “I beg your pardon?” and, if you don’t mind, let her speak!
Irina: Ok, ok, what have I done? ( she gets upset
Maria: You haven’t done anything wrong! Don’t be upset. It’s just not polite to interrupt her!
Ana: May I speak now?
Maria: Yes, go ahead.
Ana: The rumor goes in the village that, tomorrow, at the country dance, some town people will come on a trip. I heard they are really handsome!
Maria:  Rubbish! Stop it, Ana!!!
Irina: And I have heard that….
Maria: Shut up!!! Someone may overhear all these stupid things….
Ana: So what? Are you ashamed, maybe?
Maria: It’s not that, but…
Irina: But what?.... there is no ‘but’, Ana is right, we are grown-ups now and first of all, you shouldn’t mind what other people say.
Ana: Irina, leave her alone!!! You aren’t the right person to give her advice!
Irina: But, what have I said now? Why don’t you let me be?
Ana: Don’t quarrel! There’s no reason to have a fight!
Maria: That’s right. Peace!
Ana: Ok, peace.
Maria: You are the luckiest one (becomes thoughtful and sighs)
Ana: Why do you say that?
Maria: Well, you will dance  with Radu, Ana with George! What about me….
Ana: You with Ion….
Maria: Ion? (not very delighted at Ana’s suggestion)
Ana: What’s wrong with Ion? He is of good family, he can offer you whatever you want, and above all he loves you…
Irina: Yes, really loves you, he told me this many times!
Maria: What about my feelings? Have you thought  about what I feel? I don’t fancy him a bit, not to say love him!!!! Leave me alone! (she enters the house)
Ana: Oh, Maria is really cross with us!
Irina: Come on, she won’t die of that, we only said our minds. She’ll get over it.
Ana: you’re right, she’ll be all right by tomorrow, we know her too well.

SCENE III
The story teller:……
HORA ( corus + actors)

Vlad: Wow! How beautiful they are dancing! I have never in my life seen anything like that!
Dan: What is it you like in this dance? Ha…ha…ha! If you ask them to dance some house, I don’t know if they can!
Andrei: True. They know how to dance ‘hora’, that is what they dance in the village…!
Vlad: Why are you so boring? We have come in this trip to learn about Romanian traditions, and not to laugh at people.
Dan: All right, all right…. You the wise man!
The Wise Man: OK, boys, you are the ones from the town, aren’t you?
Vlad : Yes, indeed, sorry about that! My mates are a little too funny!
Andrei: I, for myself, was not joking!
Dan: Neither was I!
The Wise Man: you were saying we don’t know how to dance on “couse”?(addressing Dan and Andrei)
Dan: ‘HOUSE’, grandpa!
Vlad: Dan, will you stop that! Sorry about it! I don’t know what’s got in him.
The Wise Man: Ok, you smart guy, if you say we don’t know how to dance house , can you dance a ‘sarba’
Andrei: We know, of course, we know!
Dan: How do you know?(whispering)
Andrei: Well, we’ll see… we can’t be take for fools, you know!
The Wise Man: Girls, let’s invite our guests to dance a short “sarba “ as it is danced in Bucovina! Maestro, the music, please.

THE DANCE II with the town folks.
The Wise Man: And now we invite Victor to take Ilinca to dance. May they live forever! Happy Birthday!
The Wise Man…………..
Vlad: Hi! May I have a word with you, for a minute?
Ana: Yes! What happened?
Vlad: Say, do you know the girl with the black apron at her belt?
Ana:Maria? Yes, of course I know her, she’s my best friend! Why do you ask?
Vlad:Could you, please, tell her I would like to speak with her?
Ana: Why? You fancy her? I won’t tell anyone.
Vlad: It’s none of your business! Tell me, can you speak with her?
Ana: Ok, whatever you say, ‘mister mystery’!
Vlad: Thank you, very much. Tell her I’ll be waiting under that big willow, over there! Ok?
Ana: Aaaa, that place is called the ‘ clearing’. Ok, I’ll tell her.
(Ana makes a sign to Maria that she wants to speak with her)
Ana: Come quickly!
Maria: What is it? What’s happened?
Ana: I don’t know how to say it…
Maria: Don’t make faces and tell me quickly what it is about!
Ana: Can you see that town boy from over there, under the willow?
Maria: Of course I can see him! What about him?
Ana: He is waiting for you!
Maria: Me?
Ana: He said he wants to talk with you! I think he fancies you!
Maria: Will you stop it, I am not in the mood for jokes.
Ana: But I’m not joking, you think what you want…
Maria: I’m afraid! Didn’t he tell you what he wants to say to me?
Ana: I didn’t ask this! I asked him if he fancied you and he said It was none of my business!
Maria: He spoke very well, but I’m not going…
Ana: Well, don’t say I didn’t tell you!
Maria: Well, I’ll take heart and go there!
Ana: All right, good idea!

SCENE IV

Vlad: Hi! Sorry for asking you to come here! I just wanted to talk… Mmmm, I forgot to introduce myself, I am Vlad (blushes)
Maria: Hi, I am Maria! Glad to meet you! What shall we talk about? And why right here, far from the people?
Vlad: Well….(stammers)I want to give you this back!
Maria: My handkerchief! I was thinking about where I could have lost it! Very kind of you!
Vlad: Would you like to be friends?(childish)
Maria: Yes, why not?
Vlad: Friends! (shake hands)
Maria: Friends!(shaking hands)
Vlad : Let it be so!...
Maria: Do you like it here, in our village? What do you think about our parties?
Vlad: It is very beautiful! I could never imagine such a thing! So many people getting together can get on so well and can party without disturbing the others!
Maria: I am happy you liked it here! The other town folks laughed at our parties and said they couldn’t live here, with dust all over, no facilities…!
Vlad: If you work hard you can have facilities even here!
Maria: That’s right! I like the way you think! (blushes, it’s clear she likes him)
Vlad: You know what? I would like to tell you something, but do not laugh!
Maria: Tell me. I promise I won’t laugh!
Vlad: I’m afraid I’ll lose your friendship if I tell you!
Maria: You won’t! Tell me,please.
Vlad: I like you very much. I could feel that when you were dancing with that boy!
Maria: How can you say that, you only know me for such a short while?
Vlad: You know, love for me doesn’t express itself only through words. The way you look, your face expressions say you like me too.
Maria: I don’t know what you think about me, but I was brought up with well established rules and don’t you think you are getting to my heart only saying sweet words…!!! Love for me is a holy thing!
Vlad: Yes I know, I realized this ! Sorry if I upset you! It wasn’t my intention! Well,…(sighing) You are so beautiful! I think you could make a man very happy!
Maria: What are you talking about?! (astonished) You are dreaming…I see you don’t understand me! Thanks for the handkerchief! I’m leaving, there’s nothing for me to do here! (kisses him on his cheek and leaves but he holds her hand)
Vlad: Stay… I have so much to tell you!
Maria: I can’t! What will my parents say? And the village? What is a serious young lady, myself, doing with a young man here, at night?
Vlad: I have one more question, it will take a moment! Would you be my wife?
Maria: Don’t you see I have to leave? (runs away from his arms)
Vlad:  you haven’t answered me! What shall I do now? Let’s hope she’ll say yes! Hope dies last!
Maria: Good God!!! Why I keep thinking only about him? Why I liked him so much when he didn’t let me go and hold my hand? Why was I going to tell him that I would like to spend the whole of my life near him? I think  I know the answer, I am in love with him! I can feel the same thing my granny felt when she met grandpa! What a divine feeling!

SCENE V

Maria is fidgeting, not finding her place. She is wondering and her mood is low. Granny is looking at her from the next room and is trying to talk to her)
Granny: What’s the matter, my dear?
M aria: It’s nothing, granny, do you mind if I ask you to let me alone for a moment?
Granny: No, I don’t, although I don’t want to let you alone! What’s the matter? Tell me what’s on your mind? Tell me what the problem is so I can help you.
Maria:  Granny, I don’t know, I think I’m in love.
Granny: This was it! I thought something wrong happened to you… there’s nothing wrong with this.
Maria: I know, but something is bothering me. He is not from our village.
Granny: How did you meet him then?
Maria: He is one of the town people who came on that trip…. I was dancing hora with Ion I lost my hankerchief I got from you, he found it, spoke with Ana and gave it to me.
Granny: And …what did you say?
Maria: Granny, marriage is the most important part of our lives, things cannot be done so fast. I’m afraid I am wrong about him, but my heart tells me he is the one. But I need time to know him better, to meet his parents, how he could live here, so different a place from his own.
Granny: What’s his name?
Maria: (becoming thoughtful) Vlad, and he is tall, strong, handsome and the most intelligent in his group of friends, he likes it here in the village, and he even said he would like to live here in the village. I want to meet his parents. You know, mom told me once that if I meet a boy to look at his father first because like father like son, she said.
Granny: If this is your opinion about him and your heart tell you he is the one… it means you are right….
Maria: You are right, granny, I’ll listen to my heart…
Granny: And when are you going to introduce him to us?
Maria: This will happen soon, granny.
The story teller: What Maria and Vlad wished came true. Vlad and his parents came to ask for Maria’s hand from her parents, promising he will take care of her.

 

                                

 

 


 

 

© 2008 Bilateral Program JONITEIST